Adventures in Co-sleeping

One of the first purchases we made after we found out we were expecting our first child was a king-sized bed. We spent a little bit of money on a crib (mostly so people wouldn’t look at us funny when they saw pictures of the nursery) but we figured the bed was going to be the purchase we really loved. We were definitely right.

Throughout my pregnancy, the king-sized bed was an amazing blessing. My ever-expanding belly appreciated the extra room. We spent a lot of time as a family in bed – talking late at night, making plans for the baby, reading to the baby, and feeling the baby’s kicks. Every family is different and makes different choices. For my husband and me the choice to co-sleep once the baby was born was a no-brainer. After anxiously awaiting M’s arrival, we just couldn’t imagine putting him in a crib at night.

Co-sleeping is not something either of us had any familiarity with before we got pregnant. In fact, I don’t think the idea would have ever even occurred to me if I hadn’t run across the idea in one of Dr. Sears’ books. But when I read it, it immediately made sense. Having baby close at night, snuggling in, easy access for breastfeeding, attachment promoting, and on and on. It just seemed to make sense for us.

In the early days, M slept in a little snuggle nest right between us. He quickly outgrew it, but I’m still glad we had it for those early sleep-deprived days. It made me feel safer at night. Once we finally got the hang of side-lying to nurse, the snuggle nest was out and M slept right next to me in the crook of my arm. In these early months, I was worried all the time about M dying during the night (it still crosses my mind, but it’s not the obsession it once was). I read countless books and online information about how to co-sleep safely.

As the months rolled on, new challenges arose. M is five months old now and quite the active little dude. We went through a phase with lots of punching and kicking while he nursed. We are currently in a phase where he wakes many, many times a night to nurse and does a bit of flailing with his arms, too. He sometimes makes little cries in his sleep. Even in a king-sized bed, these things wake me up. My husband and I share the load of watching over him at night on a pretty 50/50 basis, which is really helpful. Some parents don’t feel comfortable doing this, but it has worked nicely for us.

This past month has been rough at night. I am still incredibly grateful that M never cries in earnest at night. The number of times he has actually been awake (eyes open, crying) at night since he was born can probably be counted on two hands. Even so, the blissful easy long stretches of sleep we experienced between 6 weeks and 3 months seem like a distant dream. His vast developmental changes mean that he is often distracted during daytime nursings (so he makes up for it at night) and working through a lot of learning in his sleep.

We don’t get as much sleep as I would like and sometimes I get frustrated. That being said, we wouldn’t have it any other way. The deep sense of satisfaction I get when the house is still and I can hear my husband, my dog, and my son breathing next to me – the fact that I can see his little face glowing next to me at 3am – the knowledge that he never has to cry at night because we hear him and attend to his needs within seconds each night – the way his little arms reach out to touch his daddy or me and then he sighs back into a deeper sleep…these are all the reasons we continue co-sleeping.

Last night was a particularly rough night. M was talking in his sleep a lot and our sleep was choppy at best. Around 3:30am, he wet through his diaper and had to be changed. After my husband changed him, I said, “What do you think would happen if we put him in his crib?” My husband groggily replied, “I don’t know, but I don’t want to.” I drifted off to sleep, only to be awakened a few minutes later by the sound of M giggling in his sleep. I leaned over and saw him smiling, giggling, eyes closed – nestled in the crook of his daddy’s arm. My husband said, “That’s why I don’t want to put him in his crib.” And we all went back to sleep.