Written by Heather Nicholson
The last three years watching my daughter’s development has been remarkable. We look forward to each milestone with anticipation and marvel at the way our children master concepts without any real instruction. It is always frustrating for a young child to gain mastery of crawling, walking, running, and talking, and as parents we try to support them at each step. At this stage, my family is working on patience with R. My almost-three–year-old gets very excited when she is fully able to communicate what she wants. She says excitedly, “I used my words.” “Yes,” I reply in delight and then the tantrum begins.
In the early stages of talking when she pointed, signed or said particular words we scurried off to get her whatever she wanted. Now, things are different. She is older and has hit the wall of time, a concept she does not entirely understand. But she is beginning to learn that just because she uses her words does not mean she will get what she wants NOW and maybe she will not be able to get it at all. This is a major problem for her.
We play several games to get her to understand the concept of time. Mommy will get it in a few minutes, count to 10, or wait until mommy finishes eating, or wait until we stop the car.” She is slowly learning that the world does not revolve around her, and she has to be cognizant of other people. The worst part is when I tell her she cannot have this or that or she has to wait or SHARE. We talk about patience a lot. I ask her if she is being patient. “No!” she replies. “Okay, R. Let’s go find her.” We walk around the house playing a game to find the ever elusive Patience.
Most days bring a fun learning process, but on other days it is an all out war. She gets frustrated, upset and annoyed that she is unable to GET what she WANTS at all times. The tantrums and the whining and the crying are the worst. In the midst of one such episode when I was at my wits’ end she looked at me and said, “Mommy, are you being Patient. Let’s go find her.” As I looked at her slack jawed I was reminded that Patience and all the other values we want to instill in our children often begin with us.
Well said.
We too find that we are also being taught and held accountable by our son. We often find ourselves be scolded when our voices get too loud in the house. It’s a constant reminder that we need to pay attention to our own manners as well.
Oh, I love this post! I am ever in need of going to look for Patience, and I’m so happy to learn a few tricks to help both me and my 4-year-old find her. At 4, she still doesn’t understand time (although she asks about it frequently), and I really like your idea of counting with R. Thanks, Heather!