Alone with Two

Written by Tara Darcy-Hall

The end of the first month of C’s life marked yet another uneasy transition for me – the return of my husband to a more regular work schedule. Caring for an infant and a 4-year-old is reasonably manageable when the opposing teams (us versus them) are evenly matched, but I was soon to be left alone with both children, and I initially feared the seemingly endless hours of trying to balance the diverse needs of my two children. As of this writing, I’ve been at it for about six weeks, and while I’m not exactly accomplishing anything gracefully, we’re all still alive, and it’s really not as hard as I had anticipated (but it’s still hard!). Here are a few of the survival techniques that our family has found particularly helpful.

First and foremost, my 4-year-old is in full-day pre-school three days a week. I realize this is not an option for everyone, for various reasons, but we saved up some money in advance to make this work at least through the summer. For me, this has been a win-win-win situation and has been essentially the main reason I’m not in therapy yet (emphasis on yet). My 4-year-old has been attending this pre-school for 1.5 years and by maintaining her schedule, she benefits from continuity and social time with her peers and teachers. On the other hand, C gets one-on-one time with mama, which I feel she deserves, since M had me 24-7 as an infant. And equally important, I get three easier days hanging with just the baby (= naptime). Following the advice of a good friend, one additional luxury I’ve allowed myself on these days is to hire a sitter once a week to hold C for a couple of hours so that I can reliably get a few things done. This time has been worth every penny.

On the days when both children are home with me, we’ve relied on several ideas originating from the BABS Refresher course. For example, I put together what we call the “Mama Day Craft Box,” which M can only play with on days we’re home alone with the baby. This way, she has something fun to look forward to and to keep her busy, and I’ve found this strategy particularly useful when she plays quietly in the bedroom as I get C down for a nap. Periodically, I add something new to the box to keep M from getting bored. Similarly, I invested in a few new toys (puzzles, sticker books, stamps) to occasionally introduce when in a pinch. M and I also have books set aside specifically for our time together. Right now, we’re reading the classic “Betsy” books by Carolyn Haywood. These are easy, sweet chapter books that M has loved, and they have served as something special for us to share either when C is sleeping/nursing or when we have time alone.

And then there’s TV. Well, actually, just Snow White and The Little Mermaid of late (yes, I buckled to the pressure of Disney’s princess marketing, knowing M would LOVE these movies). Maybe it’s uncreative, but I am unabashedly thankful for those 77 minutes of peace and quiet. And if I’m completely honest, I actually like The Little Mermaid!

Lastly, and perhaps most important, the key to my sanity has been maintaining a regular schedule of activities. While it is nice to have some relaxing days with minimal plans, playdates, pool dates, grocery shopping, BABS playtime, hikes (and when daytime once again becomes bearable – walks to the park) have all been crucial to keeping us happy – we get out of the house, get exercise, and get something accomplished. In particular, my time with other moms always leaves me feeling more connected and reassured that I’m not in this alone. And as always, I have BABS to thank for introducing me to virtually all of these women.

So, these strategies are a few of the ways that we’re navigating these first months of having two children, and I would more than welcome your comments and ideas of how you make it work!