I Feel Angry All the Time

Imagine being very happy being a mom.  Most of you reading this probably ARE very happy being a mom and therefore it isn’t hard to imagine it.  But pretend for a second that you are five months postpartum and all of sudden something just changes.  Suddenly you are cranky, irritable and angry quite often.  You have no idea what you are angry about necessarily.  You are just angry.

You still make a conscious decision to be an involved mom.  You take you child to the park just about everyday.  You go on strolls.  When she gets older you color with her.  You read a lot.  You continue to nurse.  You sing to her.  You take your child to Wonderlab, the Farmer’s Market, BABS.  You love on her and give her hugs and kisses and tell her that you love her.  You tuck her in bed each night and make up stories to tell her.  You make almost all of her baby food and spend a lot of time researching how to keep her healthy and make her environment healthier too.  No one could accuse you of being a “checked out mom”.  But throughout the threads of wonderful moments with your child are red hot threads of anger and wanting to be alone which bring on thorny vines of guilt.  Guilt you aren’t doing enough.  Guilt over not enjoying motherhood more.  Guilt over “not being enough” for everyone.

Is it normal to be this angry?  It is normal to mourn the loss of your former self when you are a new mom.  It sure isn’t as easy to leave the house anymore.  Purse and cell phone aren’t the only things you have to pack up now.  Going out to dinner with your partner isn’t as simple as it used to be.  But if you are sitting at home and spending your day with an overwhelming sense of anger for a good portion of that day…there may be something more going on than just adjusting to motherhood.

So, what can this anger be?  Believe it or not..it could be postpartum depression.  Let’s say that you are feeling angry all the time, but you have a history of depression and this just doesn’t feel like depression.  You aren’t curled up in a ball sleeping all day and you aren’t crying all the time.  You are able to perform your duties as a mom and can get through your work duties at your place of employment.  You are just angry.  And maybe you are feeling a bit anxious and perhaps, you are finding that you just want to be alone.  Maybe you cannot wait for nap time or bedtime. And you feel guilty for it all.

Here are some symptoms of Postpartum Depression from Postpartum Support International

• Feelings of anger or irritability
• Lack of interest in the baby
• Appetite and sleep disturbance
• Crying and sadness
• Feelings of guilt, shame or hopelessness
• Loss of interest, joy or pleasure in things you used to enjoy
• Possible thoughts of harming the baby or yourself

One in eight women will get postpartum depression.  That is a HUGE statistic making postpartum depression the number one health complication from birth.  The good news?  It is treatable.  Therapy and/or mediation can make a huge impact on mental health in this area.

I wanted to focus on anger, guilt, anxiety and wanting to be alone because I don’t think a lot of women realize that these can be symptoms of postpartum depression.  Many women with postpartum depression are excellent mothers.  They still get all of their “mothering” stuff done.  But they may not be satisfied in doing it.  They aren’t feeling what they thought motherhood was going to be or what they wish it could be.

Here are some risk factors for postpartum depression as well:

• A personal or family history of depression, anxiety, or postpartum depression
• Premenstrual dysphoric disorder (PMDD or PMS)
• Inadequate support in caring for the baby
• Financial stress
• Marital stress
• Complications in pregnancy, birth or breastfeeding
• A major recent life event: loss, house move, job loss
• Mothers of multiples
• Mothers whose infants are in Neonatal Intensive Care (NICU)
• Mothers who’ve gone through infertility treatments
• Women with a thyroid imbalance
• Women with any form of diabetes (type 1, type 2 or gestational)

If you are experiencing any of the above symptoms…please reach out for help.  Do not ignore this.  Call BABS.  Call Postpartum Support International.  Call a friend.

You are not alone.  It is not your fault and with help you will get better.

Disclaimer: The purpose of this blog is to raise awareness of issues that face parents in pregnancy and parenthood.  This blog is not meant to replace treatment by a licensed mental health professional.   The content of this blog does not constitute mental health assessment, diagnosis, treatment, support or advice. Please consult a licensed mental health practitioner if you have concern about your mental health or in the case of an emergency, contact 911.  Reading this blog does not constitute a therapeutic relationship with Bronwyn Shroyer, Bronwyn Shroyer LLC or BloomingFamilies.