This morning my husband was getting ready to leave for work, and I awoke with the thought that before he leaves we could sit down with the kids and tell them about my pregnancy. Too early? Not in my mind. I shared the news of our first pregnancies with family and friends immediately. I thought, why keep the great news to myself when I could be outwardly celebrating with those I love?

For the last week, I’ve been feeling nauseous almost all day, more tired than usual and feeling that early belly bloat that I had felt with my previous pregnancies. And then a few days ago I peed on (yet another) stick and saw a line that confirmed what I had been feeling for the last week. PREGNANT!

Though I was only 4 weeks along, I shared with many people my joyous news. I knew it was early, but I didn’t care. In my mind, I wanted to share, celebrate and start enjoying this new life I was carrying. Why keep the news to myself? I knew that even if “something were to happen” (i.e., miscarriage) then I’d want the support from family and friends, so why keep it a secret until I was past those early weeks?

Just last night, my husband and I were talking about whether it was too early to tell our family and friends about my pregnancy. He spoke more specifically about whether it was too early to tell our children (ages 3 & 5). I responded that I wanted to tell them in a special way, before we broke the news to our parents and other immediate family. I pictured us sitting on the couch, snuggling up together, talking about their new baby brother or sister that would be joining us towards the end of October. It was all very lovely to imagine. But, seeing as the kids were asleep and the next time we’d be together would be when we picked him up from work the next afternoon, we decided we would tell the kids today as we drove to Iowa to visit our brothers and their families. So, I stood up from bed, grateful for the school delay, knowing that we could sit down together at home before he left for school. We would have this very special moment and then we’d go on our way; my husband would teach his students, my children would go off to school, and I’d spend my day going to yoga, packing for our trip and getting us out of the house by 3:00pm.

As I stood up, I felt something in my pajama pants. I walked to the bathroom, thinking that maybe pregnancy mode was in full swing with the memorable increase of discharge that I remembered from my other pregnancies. As I sat down, I saw a little blood. Oh no! What is this? Maybe this is implantation bleeding? I had heard of women who thought they had a period, but it was really just early spotting and was nothing more than implantation bleeding.

I spent the rest of the early morning checking and rechecking, only to be met by what looked like a normal period.

I’m not pregnant.
My immediate thought was how could I be so foolish? I shook my head and rolled my eyes, thinking about how certain I felt about being pregnant. Did I just imagine my symptoms? No, not possible. I know I what I felt.

I sit here now, thinking about what to call what I’m experiencing. Miscarriage? Hysterical pregnancy? I decide that I don’t need to call it anything. I thought I was pregnant and now I’m not.

And that’s that.

E: Why do those not have motors? (asking about the 2 kids in wheelchairs we saw)

Me: Because some wheelchairs have motors and others don’t.

E: Those kids need those chairs to get around.

Me: Yes they probably do.  Would you like to go say hi?

E: No.

Me: Okay. (I smile at the adults trying to acknowledge the situation without embarrassing anyone.)

Now three days later, I am second guessing myself. I feel like I should have gone over and said hello to the entire group and helped E feel OK talking to all different kinds of kids.  I try to teach my child that difference is OK whether it be gender, race, family makeup, or handicap. We know several people that use wheelchairs including the one we see most often in a motorized wheelchair, which is why he asked about the motors.

How do you handle this type of situation with your child?

Have you been the one that is being talked about and how would you like it handled?

My partner and I are in the midst of trying to get pregnant (not as I’m typing, mind you). We have spent exactly 6 weeks throwing caution to the wind and hoping that what we’re doing will equal a fertilized egg. This is NOT much time, I understand. When you want something badly, you want it now. This is where I am. My partner reminds me that it might take us many months to become pregnant; he says this as he’s calculating the cost of pregnancy tests for every month that passes us by. Lucky for me, he doesn’t yet know just how many pregnancy tests I’ve purchased. It’s embarrassing, I’m afraid. How many tests just have I peed on in the last 2 weeks? Um… 12. Yes, I read those test boxes that say you can test positive in just 5 days before your missed period! So, I started taking tests a couple days before that, you know, just in case my potentially fertilized egg is genius or something.

My partner suggested, being the level headed fellow he is, that perhaps we (he’s really just talking about me) wait until I actually miss my period and then take a pregnancy test. Trust me. He’s purchased a few tests for me in his day, so he knows just how costly they are. Um… okay… whatever. I can have that will power. You know, I’ll just wait the excruciating time period that is required just to save us some money. Does he even know the woman he married? This is not like waiting for a new pair of shoes to arrive in the mail. I want need to know if I’m growing something in my body. I need to know if the symptoms I’m feeling are real!!

Okay, simmer down Anonymous. Get a hold of yourself!

I might add, just to make my plea more credible, that a week ago I started feeling nauseous. I also felt really tired and was falling into bed earlier than usual. And in the evening I was starting to feel extra bloated, just like I had with previous pregnancies. AND as with my previous pregnancy, I didn’t test positive until my period was actually a day or two late. So, I’m holding onto all this, convinced that I am pregnant.

I decided to test today, thinking that I’m expecting my period either today or tomorrow. And instead of being the frugal gal my partner wishes I was, I took another test today.

Am I pregnant?
I can’t tell if this is a line. Is that a line? It looks like a line.
Really faint… but I think I see it.

So, here I sit and wait. I need to figure out whether I’m going to go with this information that the generic pregnancy test provided or whether I’m going to, um, invest in better tests. I’m also battling that inner voice that’s telling me to just trust my instincts (sounds lovely, but it’s not working right about now). I really believe I’m pregnant and this faint, faint line is only reinforcing that belief. Should I just wait a few more days to see if I get my period? Should I look for an increase of early pregnancy symptoms? Should I just go out and buy yet another box of tests to take later on in the week? This is exhausting…

I’ll keep you posted.

But wait!  Just when I think there is no possible way for me to feel in a new way, my toddler and pregnant body throw me a curve ball.  And that most recent curve ball has been the feeling of rejection.

One of the things I have cherished about my son’s life so far has been his and my unconditional love for one another.  More specifically, his starry-eyed admiration of everything I do.  Selfish?  A little bit.  Everyone else in the world can blaringly see my faults and mistakes.  But my chubby-cheeked butterball would stare at me lovingly through just about any situation, and even if we were at odds about something, it would almost always end in a Mama Kiss.

Now my husband and I are experiencing the polar opposite of this sentiment.  No one parent is perfect for any situation.  If I try to do anything with LPP, fun or not, he will almost always scream out, “Daddy’s turn!”  If Daddy signals to him that it’s time for bed, he will scream out, “Mama’s turn!”  It seems that if my husband and I are ever invested in any particular activity, we almost have to “trick” LPP by offering the other parent’s services first, so that he will ultimately be okay with whoever is by his side.  It’s exhausting.  I just want him to like me again.

How silly!  “I just want him to like me again.”  Of course he likes me.  He loves me.  His whole world is centered around himself and what he feels, and I’m guessing he’s not too concerned about the immediate impact of his words and actions.  I don’t think he woke up this morning and thought, “I wonder how I could make Mama and Daddy sad today?”

I’m sure he senses the changes happening in our home, with a new baby on the way.  Grasping onto ways that he can control his environment, like choosing which parent he would like to be involved, might be a way that he is letting us know that he’s not just an innocent bystander in the expansion of our family.  Thinking logically about it makes me feel better.  But I’m hormonal and thinking logically isn’t always the first thing that happens.

Has your child shown preference for one parent or another? Is it consistent across the board, or situational?

Crayon Heart Valentine

More Crayon Hearts

Puppy Love Valentine

Mixed Media Valentine

Owl and Homemade Valentine

Fluttering Hearts Valentine

Cardstock Handmade Valentine

These are great, but I was already running out of time and I didn’t want to have a whole bunch of cut out pieces around the house. So I started thinking and since his class loves paper airplanes and E begs me to make him one just about every day, I decided to make my own paper airplane cards.

We traveled to the store and I let E pick out the paper. No boring white paper for us. We went with the brightest most florescent colors that we could find. And surprisingly, it worked!

So I ended up printing out a silly saying for the airplanes, “Up, Up, and Away.  Happy Valentine’s Day” before folding. I recommend folding a couple first to see where the wording ends up so you can get this lined up correctly. I folded all of the airplanes using this pattern from Martha Stewart with E.

I think they turned out great.

And the winner is:  Lindsay “I show my son I love him by putting him in cloth diapers. He had horrible reactions to disposables and the solution just happens to be earth friendly as well.”

The winner agrees to pick up their prize at the BABS office or to cover the cost of shipping.  All giveaways are final and may not be exchanged or returned.

Postpartum Doula and owner of Nourish, a homemade food delivery service

Food! Such a huge part of our existence! I often think it is the major reason why I am here on this earth; to grow, raise, cook and share food. My ears perk up if I hear of a gathering of people, because I know there is an opportunity to feast and share my bounty with others. If there is any time to emphasize the importance of food in a person’s life it is in the childbearing stage. What we put in our bodies is what creates and supports new life!

It is common amongst traditional societies that a man and woman starting a family eat only the most nutrient dense foods. The childbearing family receives the best cuts of meat and the largest portions of the meal and then the rest of the family partakes. Our bodies are incredible vessels and to honor them with the best foods is so important. This is my main motivation in starting up Nourish, a home and hospital nourishing foods delivery service especially for pregnant, laboring and postpartum families.

In the last year and a half I have lived with two families acting as nanny, caregiver and postpartum doula. These experiences taught me so much about food as our prime source of energy and sustenance.  The first Mama I lived with had to eat at least five meals a day, plus snacks in order to keep enough energy for a growing baby. I have never made so many hamburgers and fried chicken in my life! It became such an extreme example of how important nutrient dense foods are, for if she didn’t start the day with a protein rich meal, by 11:00am she would be down for the count, laid out on the couch, sick with hunger. The last snack of the day was often salted chicken broth. This brought her the essential nutrients for immunity and cellular growth.

The night before she gave birth we had a big meal of fried chicken, kraut balls and pickles. Talking about the birth later, she commented on how perfect it was that she had that meal with enough time to digest before the labor process began. Throughout labor she sipped on beet kvass, a fermented beet tonic, that she said was very essential to keeping her laboring body properly hydrated and nourished.

After a beautiful four hour labor and giving birth to her third baby, she was ravenous. In preparation for this specific time, I was requested to keep carob chews and super jello made. These two foodstuffs are, according to several Mama-friends of mine, absolutely essential to birth time. Carob chews are a lovely fudge-like treat stuffed with nuts, seeds, coconut and honey. Totally energizing, nutritious and delicious!

Again, childbearing women deserve the best and most delicious foods. Super jello is the perfect combination of fats, proteins and carbohydrates. Made with applesauce, coconut oil and gelatin- it is an easy to eat food during or after labor. The 10 or so days after giving birth Mama was able to lie in bed and rest with baby while I brought her food. It was a magnificent time for her and for me, for I find it so nourishing to my spirit to facilitate a respite like that for an amazing and strong new Mama.

The second family I lived with experienced a 12-day stay at the hospital and a cesarean birth. Those 12 days were filled with cooler packing, water jug filling and constant ice maintenance as the hospital food was not going to do it for this extended stay. I often told Mama how good it was for all the hospital staff to see such dedication to eating good, nourishing, organic food, since it was quite the sight to behold. We sought out the widest wheelchairs in order to transport coolers, jugs and baskets of food.

This time sweet things are what helped the journey progress in the hospital; fermented lemon poppy seed cake and pumpkin pie with lard crust and homemade yogurt. After the birth Mama was so grateful that I had packed super jello, since liquids or jello were the only things she was allowed. All of the meals we ate together at the hospital were cold, so it was such a part of the celebration when Mama and baby came home and were able to have a hot meal.

All of these foods I offer in my “Childbearing Year” menu, and not only that, I start from the very beginning. The applesauce in the jello is homemade, the beet kvass is brewed in jars on my counter, the broth is specially prepared from organic local chickens, the pumpkins are baked and pureed and the chews are tasted until perfect! I believe the energy we carry while cooking, the vibrations we emit while stirring and slicing and prepping all contribute to the energy we receive from the food. It is always my intention to carry healing and positive thoughts here.

Of course, I believe that whatever a Mama is craving or needing during her childbearing experience should be honored. My “Childbearing Year” menu, therefore, is merely a suggestion of foods for this time, and foods that are a regular part of my diet. My service offers delivery of any and all foods. I am very willing to make or find whatever the childbearing family needs. It is in this role that I feel most nourished. I intend for the Nourish menus to go hand-in-hand with my postpartum doula practice. For if I am not hanging out at BABS, spending time with new Mamas, or hanging out with friends, I am probably at home cooking, preserving, fermenting, and growing food.

For more information and other Nourish menus, please visit homemadenourishment.weebly.com or contact Leah at 414-305-2027 or homemadenourishment@gmail.com

 Find your inner celebrity and dress the part!

Red Carpet attire is encouraged.

 ”Swag Bags” for the first 100 guests to arrive.

 Heavy Hors D’oeuvres provided by

One World Catering and Events.

 Open bar with local wine & beer.

 $30 per person in advance, $40 at the door

Purchase tickets and find more information at

www.bloomingtonbirth.org/gala.

 SATURDAY, FEBRUARY 25, 2012

6 TO 9 PM

Deer Park Manor

1501 E. Hillside Drive.

I love watching them play.  My daughter automatically assumes that an animal figurine or a character in a book (when gender isn’t obvious) is a girl.  My son assumes they are boys.  That goes along with the way their world is viewed from their own eyes.  While paying attention to this phenomenon, I realized that I tend to say “he” when referring to any animal/character whose gender isn’t obvious.  I have been pondering that lately and trying to figure out why I do that.  My daughter still views things from her girl point of view.  Somewhere along the way, I have lost that way of viewing the world automatically.  Does part of me view the world from a boy/male point of view?  Do I characterize weak creatures in books as girls and strong ones as boys?  I’m trying to pay more attention.

You may ask why I am so focused on this.  It is because in some subtle ways I HAVE placed gender roles on some things that take place in my house.  My husband LOVES to fix stuff.  I am quite capable of doing it too, but I like to let the guy have some territory in our house, so things that need to be fixed usually end up on his desk.  But now I hear the kids saying, “Mommy, it is broken.  Daddy will fix it when he gets home.”  Once I realized that was happening, I started saying “No…let Mommy get out the tools.  Mommy can use the tools too.”  I don’t want my daughter growing up to think she isn’t as capable as someone else in the hardware store.  I also don’t want my son to feel he isn’t a “man’s man” if he doesn’t grow up wanting to fix things all the time.

It is amazing how the typical gender roles can get branded into our brains.  It doesn’t seem to take much.  I can see how TV and the media could easily affect how children view men/women and boys/girls.  This is another reason I have stayed away from princesses and super heroes.  It isn’t just about teaching my daughter to be a strong woman one day, but it is also about teaching her to appreciate kindness and nurturing in men.  It isn’t just about letting my son know that it is okay to not be a tough guy that has to use his fists to fight off the bad guys, but it is also about letting him know that women can be his allies to make the world a better place.

Parenting comes with a lot of responsibility.  I never realized that in my goal to raise children, I might inadvertently be undoing some of the teachings that I have been purposefully engaging in.  One minute I am reading books to my children about kids getting to do all kinds of things; telling my daughter she is a smart kid (not girl) and telling my son he is a hardworking kid (not boy).  The next, I am unknowingly teaching them the typical gender roles in the world by mandating to my husband that I be the one to vacuum the floor (I do a better job) and he go adjust the seats on the kids’ bikes (because he is a cycling person).

I’m not sure I have the answer to any of this.  I’d love to hear feedback from all of you. I realize that kids are going to have interests…and I think that is great.  My son loves fiddling around with anything that has parts and my daughter is an artist.  We totally go with whatever they feel like doing.   I just don’t want their interests to be capped off by a fear that what they want to do isn’t supposed to be for their gender.  If she wants to be a mechanic and he wants to be a nurse…great.  If he wants to be an engineer and she wants to be a teacher, fantastic.  I just want them to be whoever they are and will be…from their own sense of self…not one mandated by cultural gender roles.  I just hope the world will grow along with them.

 Disclaimer: The purpose of this blog is to raise awareness of issues that face parents in pregnancy and parenthood.  This blog is not meant to replace treatment by a licensed mental health professional.   The content of this blog does not constitute mental health assessment, diagnosis, treatment, support or advice. Please consult a licensed mental health practitioner if you have concern about your mental health or in the case of an emergency, contact 911.  Reading this blog does not constitute a therapeutic relationship with Bronwyn Shroyer, Bronwyn Shroyer LLC or BloomingFamilies.

The BABS Boutique is having their annual Sweetheart Sale February 1st – 14th.  Get great deals on diapers, toys, nursing bras, water bottles, sippy bottles, and fleece pouches.  Want to grab a great deal a little early?  Stop by the boutique today or tomorrow and get the same sale prices before the sale officially starts.

Bonus: Mention this blog post and get an additional 10% off one item of your choosing (yes, even sale items)!  The bonus ends on February 14th.  Happy Valentine’s Day from the BABS Boutique.